testing
There was a time when my thoughts and ideas overwhelmed me. They begged to be expressed and I ignored them. I believe fear, a deeply rooted certainty that I would be disappointed with myself, was the cause of my problems. I winced at the possibility of hating what I produced, of feeling that my hope of a talent for writing was really just a pipe dream that was better to bury.While in college, I experienced a short spurt of courage. I immersed myself in creative writing courses, contributed to some publications and workshopped my writing. It was not the earth-shattering event that I imagined. There was no humiliation, nor was there any exhilaration. What I did experience surprised me -- a slow-building satisfaction, not with the results of my writing, but with the conquering of my fear. I made myself available for examination and criticism and I survived the onslaught of self-doubt that was my companion for too long. It should have been the beginning for me, but slowly, under the time drought created by work and law school, I packed away that burgeoning creativity. I convinced myself that those thoughts would meekly return to the recesses of my mind, that they would subside from a dull roar to a quiet whisper,which I could ignore once again. Unfortunately, I underestimated the strength of silenced creativity. The force of the absence was greater than anything I have ever experienced. I am flooded with thoughts and ideas but I cannot imagine how to express them. I fear that my creativity has been banished like I intended, before I knew what I was asking of myself.
This is my test. It is a challenge to myself to excavate the creativity from the years of self-recrimination and fear of failure. It is my opportunity to take what I think God has given me and USE it. This is my story.
posted by happy roy @ 11:44 AM
2 Comments:
I really think you should write that story your wrote for school about the girl from India - it was a great idea - you can write if you want to - you have it in you.
Julie,
I just found your blog. It's obvious that creativity is a very big part of who you are. Keeping it hidden is like not revealing your true self. Not sure if that makes sense...sometimes daily life gets so hectic that you forget about what you're passionate about..what really gets your blood flowing. I'm glad you found this blog to release you're creativity. I know it's been a great way for me to channel my creativity. God didn't give us these gifts to sit on....He always has a reason and purpose for everything! =)
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